4 Days ago, I deactivated my Facebook account and doing something like this for someone like me is HUUUUUUUUUUUGE!!
I am one of those Facebook fiends who posts at least 5 times a day, checks her notifications at least 45 times a day and shares her entire life story with her audience.
I am far from a celebrity or even a 'public figure', in fact, I am just a normal girl who had connected with a site that allowed her to tap into the gift that I previously mentioned in my last blog, 'I have been blessed with the gift of being a charismatic sharer'
My first intro to Facebook, was when I lived in the UK, literally 10 years ago. It was all very new then and it took me a while to understand the concept but as the years rolled by, naturally, the world begun to be notified of my every conquest, my every meal, my every mood, my every proposal, my every wedding photo, my every business, my every success, my every failure, my every child, my childrens every photo, my every social event, my every ....
Need I go on?
Now, I completely and utterly LOVE sharing so all of the above brought me great joy...or so which I thought. 10 years on and recently I have been reflecting on the implications of such sharing, or more so of the upkeep of the sharing, I had created for myself. When I really started to look at the pro's and con's of someone like me on being so vocal on something like Facebook, I came to massive subconscious realizations
I started to realise that I had a relationship with this site, with the whole process and I was attached to it. Full stop. Attached. Full stop.
This attachment, started to remind me of an abusive relationship. Yes, it sounds very extreme and it may not be like this for you or anyone else for that matter, but for me...it was. I wasn't in an abusive relationship with Facebook...NO! Facebook was the liquor, facebook was the ethanol, the vodka and my ShEgo was drinking it. My ShEgo was getting drunk on Facebook and then whether she was in a good mood or bad mood, would determine how 'She' would treat me
I was the pawn in all of this....not the victim as they are two very different things. What started as a fun relationship, full of lust at the beginning, eventually turned into something I had to walk away from before I curled up in a fetal position, full of insecurity on my bedroom floor and this my friend... was not as easy as it sounds
⇤ Realizations⇥
The realizations that started to occur to me over the course of the last few months were
I was NEVER PRESENT...
⇝My moods were determined by what I saw on my homepage
I was hungry for the Like and comments
I am one of those Facebook fiends who posts at least 5 times a day, checks her notifications at least 45 times a day and shares her entire life story with her audience.
I am far from a celebrity or even a 'public figure', in fact, I am just a normal girl who had connected with a site that allowed her to tap into the gift that I previously mentioned in my last blog, 'I have been blessed with the gift of being a charismatic sharer'
My first intro to Facebook, was when I lived in the UK, literally 10 years ago. It was all very new then and it took me a while to understand the concept but as the years rolled by, naturally, the world begun to be notified of my every conquest, my every meal, my every mood, my every proposal, my every wedding photo, my every business, my every success, my every failure, my every child, my childrens every photo, my every social event, my every ....
Need I go on?
Now, I completely and utterly LOVE sharing so all of the above brought me great joy...or so which I thought. 10 years on and recently I have been reflecting on the implications of such sharing, or more so of the upkeep of the sharing, I had created for myself. When I really started to look at the pro's and con's of someone like me on being so vocal on something like Facebook, I came to massive subconscious realizations
I started to realise that I had a relationship with this site, with the whole process and I was attached to it. Full stop. Attached. Full stop.
This attachment, started to remind me of an abusive relationship. Yes, it sounds very extreme and it may not be like this for you or anyone else for that matter, but for me...it was. I wasn't in an abusive relationship with Facebook...NO! Facebook was the liquor, facebook was the ethanol, the vodka and my ShEgo was drinking it. My ShEgo was getting drunk on Facebook and then whether she was in a good mood or bad mood, would determine how 'She' would treat me
I was the pawn in all of this....not the victim as they are two very different things. What started as a fun relationship, full of lust at the beginning, eventually turned into something I had to walk away from before I curled up in a fetal position, full of insecurity on my bedroom floor and this my friend... was not as easy as it sounds
⇤ Realizations⇥
The realizations that started to occur to me over the course of the last few months were
I was NEVER PRESENT...
⇝My moods were determined by what I saw on my homepage
I was hungry for the Like and comments
⇝Self loathing always stemmed
I was becoming a more nervous person- less confident in my own thoughts about my own thoughts
⇝I felt like I was always being watched
Nothing was a surprise anymore in belly to belly conversations
⇝I was talking to people less as I was messaged them more
My children were being impacted by all of the above
⇝Pretty sure I haven't fully appreciated a meal in at least 5 years- that was taken away when my priority became taking a photo of it first
I started to notice anxiety rising in my friends about their social image
⇝I was becoming disconnected with the experience of life
I judged myself more, love myself less
⇝It was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did at night
I found my self comparing my whole existence to someone else highlight reel
⇝I found myself chasing success I never wanted anyways
I never felt good enough
⇝I spent hours scrolling
My value system became all whacked out
⇝Every decision I made was subconsciously linked with' What would everyone else think...'
⇝I felt like I was always being watched
Nothing was a surprise anymore in belly to belly conversations
⇝I was talking to people less as I was messaged them more
My children were being impacted by all of the above
⇝Pretty sure I haven't fully appreciated a meal in at least 5 years- that was taken away when my priority became taking a photo of it first
I started to notice anxiety rising in my friends about their social image
⇝I was becoming disconnected with the experience of life
I judged myself more, love myself less
⇝It was the first thing I did in the morning and the last thing I did at night
I found my self comparing my whole existence to someone else highlight reel
⇝I found myself chasing success I never wanted anyways
I never felt good enough
⇝I spent hours scrolling
My value system became all whacked out
⇝Every decision I made was subconsciously linked with' What would everyone else think...'
There is probably so many more but you get the jist.
I really want to make clear also that Facebook is amazing for a thousand other reasons too, such as staying connected around the world, making friends, promoting businesses, sharing news etc...but when in a position of feeling misaligned with the confident and divinely connected Goddess I craved to be, the realization I listed above, is the result of thorough reflection in my quest to reconnect with my Inner Wonder Woman
I felt out of whack with me. Disconnected...so disconnected in many areas of my life. As a mum, as a friend, as company and disconnected from God and this is not who I want to be.
I want to be connected, I want to be present, I want to be happy. So Facebook had to go...
I was really nervous to start off with, like I was delving into the unknown. Did life even exist after Facebook? Would I even have friends? Would anyone even notice that I am gone? Well, in the next part, I will share the itty gritty details of what happens, so if you are thinking of coming over to the bright side too, at least you can get an idea of what to expect...
Love you
Jax
I felt out of whack with me. Disconnected...so disconnected in many areas of my life. As a mum, as a friend, as company and disconnected from God and this is not who I want to be.
I want to be connected, I want to be present, I want to be happy. So Facebook had to go...
I was really nervous to start off with, like I was delving into the unknown. Did life even exist after Facebook? Would I even have friends? Would anyone even notice that I am gone? Well, in the next part, I will share the itty gritty details of what happens, so if you are thinking of coming over to the bright side too, at least you can get an idea of what to expect...
Love you
Jax
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