I physically had to sit here and count on my hands, how many days since I deactivated my Facebook account and its been about 14 days...
I AM STILL ALIVE!!! 😁😁😁
In fact, I can definitely say that I feel very alive in this moment.
Although I deactivated my account on a whim, a last minute 'Stuff it!' decision. The moment that I pressed 'Yes', my physical features lifted.
My eyes shone brighter, my posture taller, my skin started to glow and my hair even started to co-operate
This ain't a joke. I have noticed since that moment, I am noticeably prettier! If it wasn't a thing, it is now, a thing. The bags under my eyes have melted away, my skin smoother, the tension I felt in the back of my neck, all disintegrated.
Don't get me wrong though, there were questioning thoughts in the milli-seconds prior and after ridding of Facebook, such as...
Although I deactivated my account on a whim, a last minute 'Stuff it!' decision. The moment that I pressed 'Yes', my physical features lifted.
My eyes shone brighter, my posture taller, my skin started to glow and my hair even started to co-operate
This ain't a joke. I have noticed since that moment, I am noticeably prettier! If it wasn't a thing, it is now, a thing. The bags under my eyes have melted away, my skin smoother, the tension I felt in the back of my neck, all disintegrated.
Don't get me wrong though, there were questioning thoughts in the milli-seconds prior and after ridding of Facebook, such as...
'Are you sure you want to deactivate your account?'
'Are you sure you don't just want to log off?'
Are you sure you no longer want to be governed by this addiction?'
But what I had to ask myself in that split second was
'What kind of experience is being generated in your life Jax?'
'Does having this addiction to Facebook match that experience?'
The answer is obvious...
In the same moment that I physically morphed from a shriveled, stressed old dark circle eye lady to an everlasting queen of all Disney Princesses, other areas of my being somewhat shifted too.
⇝Emotionally I also felt at ease, as if a traffic gridlock in my nervous system cleared and the freeway to my psyche became fully accessible.
But what I had to ask myself in that split second was
'What kind of experience is being generated in your life Jax?'
'Does having this addiction to Facebook match that experience?'
The answer is obvious...
In the same moment that I physically morphed from a shriveled, stressed old dark circle eye lady to an everlasting queen of all Disney Princesses, other areas of my being somewhat shifted too.
⇝Emotionally I also felt at ease, as if a traffic gridlock in my nervous system cleared and the freeway to my psyche became fully accessible.
⇝Mentally I was confused. in all honesty, I didn't know how to actually cope without having the ability to post or scroll at the tips of my fingers. Mentally, I worried that I just committed cyber world suicide and that no-one would remember me BUT I am one determined young lady and I committed to the cull of over 2000 friends.
⇝ Spiritually, I felt ready...I felt like a new page had turned and I was ready to connect with my inner Wonder Woman again
14 days on, I must say, life on the other side of social media has been quite delightful!
No longer do I hold onto a sense of upkeep, a sense of trying to keep everyone in the loop of my life and the sense of pressure while trying to keep my highlight reel on point when most days, it was further from the truth.
While I type this, the more real this all feels now that I have stepped away.
When I think about it...really break it down in my minds (both conscious and subconscious) Social media is a faux world, existing within the REAL world and somehow we have got the both mixed up. Where we think the faux world IS the real world, to the point where we live in the faux world more than the real world BUT in the real world is where we feel the real pain, caused by the Faux world.....
Which actually makes us REAL crazy!!!
Now (post Faux world) when I look at myself, I see the REAL me. I feel the REAL me and not the me that has unconsciously been compared to the other perfectly faux images I saw every single morning after having scrolled through my 'Homepage' upon waking....EVERY single morning 😞
I feel sick to the stomach when I remember the mornings that I decided that I loathed myself that day because I didn't feel pretty. I may have had a bad nights sleep and bloated because I had my period but in my mind, I was horridly fat and ugly because the first image I saw would have been a filtered photo of a 'Facebook friend' (who I didn't know) looking on fleek in their 2 piece swimsuit whilst in the Maldives after they made $20k in the previous month from their online business.
'What the heck was I doing wrong? How does one even make that amount of money? How does one even look that great whilst eating food? What was I I I I I doing so wrong in my life to be such a FAILURE?????'
There were too many times that I made all my decisions purely based on what everyone elses opinion would be of that decision.
Where I ate, how I dressed, how I wore my hair, how I worked out, what make up I would wear and sometimes even what I stood for. I felt like I was in a race. I race to always be shiny. I race to always be liked but little did I know it was a race to my souls demise.
Not to mention the 'Groups...'
I was in so many Groups
Vegans- Business- Filipinos- Mothers- Female Entrepreneurs- Young Entrepreneurs...you get the deal right?
And trying to contribute to that was a 3rd job in itself.
'You have to show up' apparently or you will be forgotten or you're not doing enough...
'Who am I doing this all for?' Is being in all of this a commitment to live my life for others entertainment? For the approval of others?
Realizing all of this and really looking at the impact it was having on my life, looking at how blinded I was by all of the Fauxness of it all. I am sooo glad I made the decision to leave it all for now.
Leave it all until I can determine my own thoughts and not be clouded by the unspoken rules of the digital world
Not to mention the need for the 'Likes and Comments'!! It was an uncontrollable twitch! Always looking at my phone for the notifications
So and so liked your post
So and so commented on your picture
So and so posted on your timeline
What is with that? What is with the gratification that leads to nothing? Its a gratification that only serves as a disappointment when we don't receive the notifications. The disappointment is WORSE than the gratification!!
I can't even count the times that I looked at my phone for these darn notifications
and when they were't there...IT KILLED ME!
Made me feel like I sucked!
You get me???
How I feel right now...
Bloody fantastic!!! I can assure you that I have never felt so relaxed before. I am the calmest I have ever been. The brightest I have ever felt.
Now, I feel beautiful all the time because that is just how I am. I look leaner because thats just how I am..
I no longer get reminders of how chubby, tired and unsuccessful I am
Here is a question I am posing to myself at the moment too..
'Is it possible to have lost fat so rapidly since having deactivated my account???' Perhaps....
maybe, just maybe my cortisol levels were so high because of the attachment I had, causing the constant pressure, that since I let go, my cortisol levels have dropped and my body is functioning at its best...
Could it be possible?
Presence...
Now here is the BIG ONE
My kids...
I have been calling forth PRESENCE for the past few years or should I say the ability to be present without effort or regret. Sometimes it would be at the fore front of both my minds (Conscious & Subconscious) and sometimes it would feel like I am getting away with it.
There would be days where I would use app blockers on my cell phone to limit my access to social media at selected times of day and there would be days where I would try and re-train my mind with another download of a another book about 'Being Present'
Somtimes this would work and sometimes it wouldn't
My Story...
My ex husband and I separated 3 years ago. This was at a time where we had a beautiful home, 2 beautiful cars, solid financial security, a business together and our children were well established in the life we created for them.
I love my children (well duh)...my love for them is far stronger than my 'ShEgo' had a hold on me. Blessed that I am, my soul was louder than my ShEgo during the time of the seperation. Instead of following the status quo and taking my children to be with me (because I am their mum and mums should have their kids), I surrendered to THEIR needs, not my ShEgo's needs.
And with peace and kindness, agreed that they stay in the beautiful home, with their beautiful father who provided beautiful security for them. Along with this, they stayed in the area where their schools are and also the area closest to their cousins who they share close bonds with. This has been our lives for the last 3 years.
I see my babies weekly for a few days but they predominantly live with their father.
Do I miss them? Yes but I have also grown accustomed to this and because of the kindness of my ex-husband, his partner and his family, I have been respected because of this arrangement. I have the ability to see my children any time that I like and visa versa.
To say that I feel I have the best life ever is an understatement...
Now, back to PRESENCE...
Because I only see my children a few days a week, being present with them sits high on my priority list. I have been falling short over the previous years and so ignorantly couldn't figure out why...
I say 'ignorantly' because I fricken know why but have had every justification under the sun to avoid removing Facebook from my life...
'I need if for business' being the main one...
I hosted multiple business pages on Facebook as well as took care of multiple other business pages on there too. And anything to do with the generating of an invisible income had to be taken seriously right?
I couldn't let people down...
Invisible disaapointment
The reality is that the people I was letting down were the people right in front of me. The people who shared the space with me and the people I actually hold dearest to me....and that is my children.
I was being the image I hated the most.
The image of a mother locked onto her phone while her kids played around her.
I tear up thinking about the images of me that I was creating in the memories of my children,
'Holding the phone...
scrolling
scrolling
post
scrolling
selfie time
scrolling
scrolling
read
scrolling
another selfie...'
While in the back ground, hearing their pleas for my attention..
'Mum...watch me do this
mum....can you help me do this
mum...can we go and do this
mum....mum...mum!!!'
'Not now kids, mummy is busy building an invisible business, to an invisible network in the hope to make an invisible income'
Not anymore, I NEEDED to put a stop to this!!
I recall the BEST times that I had with my parents and it was when they were present with me. Not when they gave me presents, not when they were away, not when they were in conversation with anyone else.
I used to hate when they justified being absent with 'Having to work' and this is exactly what I was doing to my children
It was when they were WITH me, talking with me. Playing with me, spending time with me, listening to me with their focus on me 100% is when I feel the best about my childhood and this is how I want my kids to remember me. I want them to remember by lessons I teach them with my presence. I want them to respect what I stand for, not because of what I say I stand for, but how I inspire them with my actions. I want them to know that the gift of Presence over Presents stands true for them too.
This also filters through to my other important relationships. My partner, my friends, my colleagues...everyone!
And now....I can do this and it makes me happy. It really feels like I have a new clean crispy white page to work with.
Oh my gosh, I could actually go on for ages about this but I feel we don't have ages to harp on about this topic...
So I will summarize here...
Social Media isn't bad...It is what we make of it that either aligns or misaligns us with who we want to be, how we want to feel and how we want to experience life.
Its like Guns and drugs...its the misuse of both that is what determines good or bad. On their own, their existence is irrelevant, its how 'WE' use them that gives it life in light or darkness.
For me, the way I used Facebook threw me waaaaaay off track from who I want to be, how I want to feel and how I want to live.
My way of thinking was very toxic and it was the fuel for my ShEgo to take the reigns on my life. So deactivating my account was long overdue.
I still use Instagram and sometimes post on Snap Chat, because they don't diminish my shine, like Facebook did.
This might be different for you though... you may be one whose ShEgo is controlled by Instagram or Snap Chat and Facebook may be the platform that doesn't negatively add fuel to her fire. We all have a different tonic that our ShEgo likes to drink.
Since committing to Facebook sobriety, life has been grand. My thoughts have been clean, my feelings have been high vibing and I have been present with the people in my life as well as the things I want to do more of in my life. I have enrolled in a PT course, I have taken up guitar lessons and now I use the time I used to use on scrolling (that's a mouthful) on sharing my experience with you, in this blog.
I am having more sex with my partner because I feel sexy again. I am laughing more and listening more. Life although feels like is more about me, has become less about me and more about others...ironic hey?
Will I ever get back on?
Yes, probably. But not like before, not as a sleeping prisoner but more of an awakened guard.
When I am ready to be in control rather being controlled.
Can you see why Step 1: Removing Facebook is an important step in the quest of Re-igniting our inner Wonder Woman?
I hope that reading this helps you make important decisions in your life, simplifies it and makes you feel good about YOUR decisions for YOU
Thank you for joining me....
I love you
Jax
No longer do I hold onto a sense of upkeep, a sense of trying to keep everyone in the loop of my life and the sense of pressure while trying to keep my highlight reel on point when most days, it was further from the truth.
While I type this, the more real this all feels now that I have stepped away.
When I think about it...really break it down in my minds (both conscious and subconscious) Social media is a faux world, existing within the REAL world and somehow we have got the both mixed up. Where we think the faux world IS the real world, to the point where we live in the faux world more than the real world BUT in the real world is where we feel the real pain, caused by the Faux world.....
Which actually makes us REAL crazy!!!
Now (post Faux world) when I look at myself, I see the REAL me. I feel the REAL me and not the me that has unconsciously been compared to the other perfectly faux images I saw every single morning after having scrolled through my 'Homepage' upon waking....EVERY single morning 😞
I feel sick to the stomach when I remember the mornings that I decided that I loathed myself that day because I didn't feel pretty. I may have had a bad nights sleep and bloated because I had my period but in my mind, I was horridly fat and ugly because the first image I saw would have been a filtered photo of a 'Facebook friend' (who I didn't know) looking on fleek in their 2 piece swimsuit whilst in the Maldives after they made $20k in the previous month from their online business.
'What the heck was I doing wrong? How does one even make that amount of money? How does one even look that great whilst eating food? What was I I I I I doing so wrong in my life to be such a FAILURE?????'
There were too many times that I made all my decisions purely based on what everyone elses opinion would be of that decision.
Where I ate, how I dressed, how I wore my hair, how I worked out, what make up I would wear and sometimes even what I stood for. I felt like I was in a race. I race to always be shiny. I race to always be liked but little did I know it was a race to my souls demise.
Not to mention the 'Groups...'
I was in so many Groups
Vegans- Business- Filipinos- Mothers- Female Entrepreneurs- Young Entrepreneurs...you get the deal right?
And trying to contribute to that was a 3rd job in itself.
'You have to show up' apparently or you will be forgotten or you're not doing enough...
'Who am I doing this all for?' Is being in all of this a commitment to live my life for others entertainment? For the approval of others?
Realizing all of this and really looking at the impact it was having on my life, looking at how blinded I was by all of the Fauxness of it all. I am sooo glad I made the decision to leave it all for now.
Leave it all until I can determine my own thoughts and not be clouded by the unspoken rules of the digital world
Not to mention the need for the 'Likes and Comments'!! It was an uncontrollable twitch! Always looking at my phone for the notifications
So and so liked your post
So and so commented on your picture
So and so posted on your timeline
What is with that? What is with the gratification that leads to nothing? Its a gratification that only serves as a disappointment when we don't receive the notifications. The disappointment is WORSE than the gratification!!
I can't even count the times that I looked at my phone for these darn notifications
and when they were't there...IT KILLED ME!
Made me feel like I sucked!
You get me???
How I feel right now...
Bloody fantastic!!! I can assure you that I have never felt so relaxed before. I am the calmest I have ever been. The brightest I have ever felt.
Now, I feel beautiful all the time because that is just how I am. I look leaner because thats just how I am..
I no longer get reminders of how chubby, tired and unsuccessful I am
Here is a question I am posing to myself at the moment too..
'Is it possible to have lost fat so rapidly since having deactivated my account???' Perhaps....
maybe, just maybe my cortisol levels were so high because of the attachment I had, causing the constant pressure, that since I let go, my cortisol levels have dropped and my body is functioning at its best...
Could it be possible?
Presence...
Now here is the BIG ONE
My kids...
I have been calling forth PRESENCE for the past few years or should I say the ability to be present without effort or regret. Sometimes it would be at the fore front of both my minds (Conscious & Subconscious) and sometimes it would feel like I am getting away with it.
There would be days where I would use app blockers on my cell phone to limit my access to social media at selected times of day and there would be days where I would try and re-train my mind with another download of a another book about 'Being Present'
Somtimes this would work and sometimes it wouldn't
My Story...
My ex husband and I separated 3 years ago. This was at a time where we had a beautiful home, 2 beautiful cars, solid financial security, a business together and our children were well established in the life we created for them.
I love my children (well duh)...my love for them is far stronger than my 'ShEgo' had a hold on me. Blessed that I am, my soul was louder than my ShEgo during the time of the seperation. Instead of following the status quo and taking my children to be with me (because I am their mum and mums should have their kids), I surrendered to THEIR needs, not my ShEgo's needs.
And with peace and kindness, agreed that they stay in the beautiful home, with their beautiful father who provided beautiful security for them. Along with this, they stayed in the area where their schools are and also the area closest to their cousins who they share close bonds with. This has been our lives for the last 3 years.
I see my babies weekly for a few days but they predominantly live with their father.
Do I miss them? Yes but I have also grown accustomed to this and because of the kindness of my ex-husband, his partner and his family, I have been respected because of this arrangement. I have the ability to see my children any time that I like and visa versa.
To say that I feel I have the best life ever is an understatement...
Now, back to PRESENCE...
Because I only see my children a few days a week, being present with them sits high on my priority list. I have been falling short over the previous years and so ignorantly couldn't figure out why...
I say 'ignorantly' because I fricken know why but have had every justification under the sun to avoid removing Facebook from my life...
'I need if for business' being the main one...
I hosted multiple business pages on Facebook as well as took care of multiple other business pages on there too. And anything to do with the generating of an invisible income had to be taken seriously right?
I couldn't let people down...
Invisible disaapointment
The reality is that the people I was letting down were the people right in front of me. The people who shared the space with me and the people I actually hold dearest to me....and that is my children.
I was being the image I hated the most.
The image of a mother locked onto her phone while her kids played around her.
I tear up thinking about the images of me that I was creating in the memories of my children,
'Holding the phone...
scrolling
scrolling
post
scrolling
selfie time
scrolling
scrolling
read
scrolling
another selfie...'
While in the back ground, hearing their pleas for my attention..
'Mum...watch me do this
mum....can you help me do this
mum...can we go and do this
mum....mum...mum!!!'
'Not now kids, mummy is busy building an invisible business, to an invisible network in the hope to make an invisible income'
Not anymore, I NEEDED to put a stop to this!!
I recall the BEST times that I had with my parents and it was when they were present with me. Not when they gave me presents, not when they were away, not when they were in conversation with anyone else.
I used to hate when they justified being absent with 'Having to work' and this is exactly what I was doing to my children
It was when they were WITH me, talking with me. Playing with me, spending time with me, listening to me with their focus on me 100% is when I feel the best about my childhood and this is how I want my kids to remember me. I want them to remember by lessons I teach them with my presence. I want them to respect what I stand for, not because of what I say I stand for, but how I inspire them with my actions. I want them to know that the gift of Presence over Presents stands true for them too.
This also filters through to my other important relationships. My partner, my friends, my colleagues...everyone!
And now....I can do this and it makes me happy. It really feels like I have a new clean crispy white page to work with.
Oh my gosh, I could actually go on for ages about this but I feel we don't have ages to harp on about this topic...
So I will summarize here...
Social Media isn't bad...It is what we make of it that either aligns or misaligns us with who we want to be, how we want to feel and how we want to experience life.
Its like Guns and drugs...its the misuse of both that is what determines good or bad. On their own, their existence is irrelevant, its how 'WE' use them that gives it life in light or darkness.
For me, the way I used Facebook threw me waaaaaay off track from who I want to be, how I want to feel and how I want to live.
My way of thinking was very toxic and it was the fuel for my ShEgo to take the reigns on my life. So deactivating my account was long overdue.
I still use Instagram and sometimes post on Snap Chat, because they don't diminish my shine, like Facebook did.
This might be different for you though... you may be one whose ShEgo is controlled by Instagram or Snap Chat and Facebook may be the platform that doesn't negatively add fuel to her fire. We all have a different tonic that our ShEgo likes to drink.
Since committing to Facebook sobriety, life has been grand. My thoughts have been clean, my feelings have been high vibing and I have been present with the people in my life as well as the things I want to do more of in my life. I have enrolled in a PT course, I have taken up guitar lessons and now I use the time I used to use on scrolling (that's a mouthful) on sharing my experience with you, in this blog.
I am having more sex with my partner because I feel sexy again. I am laughing more and listening more. Life although feels like is more about me, has become less about me and more about others...ironic hey?
Will I ever get back on?
Yes, probably. But not like before, not as a sleeping prisoner but more of an awakened guard.
When I am ready to be in control rather being controlled.
Can you see why Step 1: Removing Facebook is an important step in the quest of Re-igniting our inner Wonder Woman?
I hope that reading this helps you make important decisions in your life, simplifies it and makes you feel good about YOUR decisions for YOU
Thank you for joining me....
I love you
Jax
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